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Posts Tagged ‘work
02
Nov
11
Hire me
It has been a hectic week and although I feel like I am on the go all day every day, I’m frustrated because very often I find that despite all the activity, I have very few actual accomplishments to my credit. Where does all this time go? What is it that I am actually spending my time doing? A week or so ago I decided to start monitoring my time online with Rescue Time, a tool that tracks which websites and applications you use. I knew that I spend more time than I should on social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter but taking a look at my Rescue Time report was an eye-opener.
Now that I realize just how much time I am wasting, I’m trying to implement strategies to help me overcome my natural laziness and spend my time more productively. One of the things I’ve done is a simple strategy I should have implemented ages ago: I’m putting myself on a schedule. Since I work at home doing freelance work, I rarely have a set schedule. Sure, I have deadlines and such but I don’t have anyone around to tell me which hours to work – which means I often get distracted and waste time. After all, it’s far more interesting to spend the day shopping or watching The Closer marathon than knuckling down and working on a project. So since I don’t have some external entity setting a schedule for me, I’m doing it myself. For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been scheduling which hours I’ll work and when I’ll allow myself a break. I recently started scheduling time for workouts as well. It’s been a little difficult getting in to the swing of things but I’m finally starting to get the hang of it. Of course, things come up on occasion that require me to make adjustments to the schedule but when that happens, I try my best to get back on track as quickly as possible. It’s still a work in progress but I feel like I’m finally starting to replace some of my old unproductive habits with better, more productive ones…and as that happens, I’m not only getting more work done but I’m also feeling better about myself. I’m still lazy but I’m learning to curb those tendencies and get things done…most of the time anyway.
28
Apr
09
Room to breathe
Today I lost the contract I have been working on for the last couple of months. When I first found out, it felt like a punch in the stomach – the last few weeks have been so difficult and I’ve been so stressed and miserable, I felt like getting this kind of news at this point was just adding insult to injury. Just as I was preparing to lock myself back in my bedroom and curl up in the fetal position, things suddenly began to change and in a flash my mood started to lift. I realized that I was immensely relieved to be out from under this project…I had only taken it because it promised a steady source of income but the work was monotonous and I found myself making every excuse imaginable to avoid logging in and working on my assigned projects. I hated the work but I couldn’t bring myself to quit…it just didn’t make sense to throw away a lucrative source of income, especially when things have been a little tight for us recently. Losing the contract was like having a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and once the weight was gone, I felt like I could breathe easy again. I was surprised at my reaction…I mean, I knew that I had been under a lot of pressure recently but I hadn’t really realized just how much of that stress was related to my work. So anyway…I feel as though I’ve been given a gift and I need to make sure that I take full advantage of this opportunity. I need to find more work but rather than rush in to the next opportunity I’m offered, I’m going to look for something that is a better fit for me and won’t cause so much stress. I hope that’s actually possible.
26
Apr
09
Hiding in plain sight
So the last few weeks have been really crappy: I have been feeling worse than I have in ages, my husband and I haven’t been getting along, my son is being a pain in the ass, the house is a mess, the homeowner’s association is threatening to fine us over our “unkempt” yard, the list of reasons for my melancholy mood goes on and on. Usually, when things aren’t going well in my life, I tend to just shut down – I start feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope so I end up spending much of my time sleeping in an attempt to avoid dealing with reality. My waking hours are spent leafing through my dog-eared copy of “SCRAM: Relocating Under A New Identity” while day-dreaming about leaving everything behind and starting fresh somewhere in South America. Needless to say, these haven’t been very effective coping strategies.
I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t been taking good enough care of myself and if I don’t start paying more attention to my own needs, I’m going to suffer a complete breakdown. I don’t say this just for dramatic effect – I’ve found myself teetering on the edge of a breakdown on several occasions. When I don’t feel well and my resources are limited, I spend all of my energy taking care of everyone else because I feel like a bad mother or a bad wife if I choose to do something for myself over doing something for my family. It’s not that I enjoy playing the martyr, I just haven’t placed enough importance on my own needs and making sure that my family understands how meeting those needs impacts my overall well-being. This needs to change immediately. I’ve made some important decisions this weekend about changes I can make to give myself more time for the things that are important to me…now all I need to do is follow through and make sure it actually happens.
14
Apr
09
Low points in parenting
This has been a pretty rough week: I haven’t been feeling well, work has been stressful, and I have basically been running myself ragged trying to keep up with everything. For a little extra excitement, I also have the wild mood swings and frequent emotional outbursts of my 13 year old son to deal with. I try to be as patient and understanding as I can be with him – after all, I do remember what it’s like to be that age so I know it’s no picnic for him either. But even though I have the best of intentions, sometimes I just can’t take it anymore. I reached a low point yesterday when I was arguing with my son for the umpteenth time that day and I found myself telling him to “quit acting like a dick”. Now, in my defense, he WAS acting like a dick but since this is probably normal behavior for 13 year old boys, it wasn’t helpful or productive to point it out. I felt bad almost immediately after saying it since I don’t usually lose my cool like that. After I said it, he looked stunned for a moment and then stormed off, slamming doors and banging on the wall as he went to lock himself in his room. When he emerged later after we’d both had a chance to cool down, we apologized to each other and things went much better for the rest of the day. He brought it up later, telling me that my telling him he was acting like a dick had really bothered him and caused him to think about his behavior. It seems that my telling him he was acting like a dick was a more effective corrective measure than the usual grounding or taking away the X Box…who knew? Used sparingly and judiciously, this might be a great new addition to my parenting arsenal…
09
Mar
09
Avoiding work again
I started a new contract assignment a couple of weeks ago and at first I was very excited about getting back to work. The project sounded interesting and I thought I would enjoy the challenge…and besides, we could really use the extra cash. So I was all gung-ho at first, I just couldn’t wait to start work each morning and get as much done as possible. Well, all that enthusiasm has faded away and now I find myself doing everything I can possibly do to avoid work. Everytime I sit down at the computer I get distracted with reading and replying to emails, playing games, or doing “research” on whatever topic strikes my fancy at the moment. I don’t mind working once I actually manage to get to it so I don’t know why it is so hard to make myself focus on being more productive with my time. I think that it may be part of my pattern of self-sabotage…a therapist once told me that she thought I might have a fear of success. I think she may be right…but I’m not sure what to do about it. I’ll ponder this while I get some actual work done today…
