The last few weeks have been ridiculously busy, with way more drama than I usually like to let enter my life, so unfortunately maintaining this site hasn’t been a priority recently. I’m pleased to report, however, that things have settled down a bit and therefore I can now refocus my attention on working on some improvements to this site…I have several ideas that have been percolating in my mind for quite a while now – it’s just a matter of finding the time to actually make it happen. So anyway…watch this space: there will be soon be many more product reviews, advocacy alerts, special features and much more. Now I just need to find the time to execute all these great plans of mine…
Posts Tagged ‘stress
16
Apr
10
Back on track
06
Jun
09
The circle is unbroken
I’ve spent the majority of the last few weeks holed up in my bedroom, reading books on yoga and wellness, sleeping too much and venturing out of the house only for the occasional medical appointment, prescription refill or fast food fix. It’s been a miserable, depressing existence and I’m tired of it. I want to make changes, live more authentically, quit feeling shitty all the time – but I often feel as though I become so overwhelmed with all of my health issues that I end up just retreating back to the status quo. It’s like my own version of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – when you’re physically miserable, you become consumed with just trying to dull the pain and function well enough to meet your basic needs and get through the day…there’s no time to think about higher functions like life goals and spiritual aspirations. I’ve been living in this kind of “crisis mode” for years now and I want desperately to be able to resolve these problems so that I can move on to the things that really matter…like finding work that has meaning to me, strengthening relationships with family and friends, pursuing hobbies and interests for personal fulfillment. But I can’t get to any of these things because I’m bogged down in all the little details of daily life that are so often almost insurmountably difficult. A routine trip to the grocery store can leave me wiped out for the rest of the day, even something fun like an evening out for dinner and a movie can end in disaster with me curled up on a bathroom floor feeling dizzy and nauseated. Fear of getting sick in public keeps me home much more than I’d like…and even though I want desperately to return to regular full-time work outside of the home, I know that as long as things remain as they are now then that possibility is completely out of the question.
So here I am, trying to figure out how to make the best of the situation. I’m working more these days and even if it is only part-time contract work at home, I feel much better doing something productive with my day. I’m taking better care of myself – trying to be more careful about what I eat and exercising more often. I’m trying to make time for more relaxation and self-care: meditation, yoga, massage therapy, etc. I know that these types of activities can’t totally replace traditional medicine but I do think that they might be just what I need to complement my other treatments…and, after all, what I’ve been doing hasn’t really been helping all that much so it’s certainly time to try something new. I feel hopeful that maybe now I’m on the right track and things will start to improve soon. I’m definitely more than ready for a positive change now.
28
Apr
09
Room to breathe
Today I lost the contract I have been working on for the last couple of months. When I first found out, it felt like a punch in the stomach – the last few weeks have been so difficult and I’ve been so stressed and miserable, I felt like getting this kind of news at this point was just adding insult to injury. Just as I was preparing to lock myself back in my bedroom and curl up in the fetal position, things suddenly began to change and in a flash my mood started to lift. I realized that I was immensely relieved to be out from under this project…I had only taken it because it promised a steady source of income but the work was monotonous and I found myself making every excuse imaginable to avoid logging in and working on my assigned projects. I hated the work but I couldn’t bring myself to quit…it just didn’t make sense to throw away a lucrative source of income, especially when things have been a little tight for us recently. Losing the contract was like having a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and once the weight was gone, I felt like I could breathe easy again. I was surprised at my reaction…I mean, I knew that I had been under a lot of pressure recently but I hadn’t really realized just how much of that stress was related to my work. So anyway…I feel as though I’ve been given a gift and I need to make sure that I take full advantage of this opportunity. I need to find more work but rather than rush in to the next opportunity I’m offered, I’m going to look for something that is a better fit for me and won’t cause so much stress. I hope that’s actually possible.
26
Apr
09
Hiding in plain sight
So the last few weeks have been really crappy: I have been feeling worse than I have in ages, my husband and I haven’t been getting along, my son is being a pain in the ass, the house is a mess, the homeowner’s association is threatening to fine us over our “unkempt” yard, the list of reasons for my melancholy mood goes on and on. Usually, when things aren’t going well in my life, I tend to just shut down – I start feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope so I end up spending much of my time sleeping in an attempt to avoid dealing with reality. My waking hours are spent leafing through my dog-eared copy of “SCRAM: Relocating Under A New Identity” while day-dreaming about leaving everything behind and starting fresh somewhere in South America. Needless to say, these haven’t been very effective coping strategies.
I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t been taking good enough care of myself and if I don’t start paying more attention to my own needs, I’m going to suffer a complete breakdown. I don’t say this just for dramatic effect – I’ve found myself teetering on the edge of a breakdown on several occasions. When I don’t feel well and my resources are limited, I spend all of my energy taking care of everyone else because I feel like a bad mother or a bad wife if I choose to do something for myself over doing something for my family. It’s not that I enjoy playing the martyr, I just haven’t placed enough importance on my own needs and making sure that my family understands how meeting those needs impacts my overall well-being. This needs to change immediately. I’ve made some important decisions this weekend about changes I can make to give myself more time for the things that are important to me…now all I need to do is follow through and make sure it actually happens.
14
Apr
09
Low points in parenting
This has been a pretty rough week: I haven’t been feeling well, work has been stressful, and I have basically been running myself ragged trying to keep up with everything. For a little extra excitement, I also have the wild mood swings and frequent emotional outbursts of my 13 year old son to deal with. I try to be as patient and understanding as I can be with him – after all, I do remember what it’s like to be that age so I know it’s no picnic for him either. But even though I have the best of intentions, sometimes I just can’t take it anymore. I reached a low point yesterday when I was arguing with my son for the umpteenth time that day and I found myself telling him to “quit acting like a dick”. Now, in my defense, he WAS acting like a dick but since this is probably normal behavior for 13 year old boys, it wasn’t helpful or productive to point it out. I felt bad almost immediately after saying it since I don’t usually lose my cool like that. After I said it, he looked stunned for a moment and then stormed off, slamming doors and banging on the wall as he went to lock himself in his room. When he emerged later after we’d both had a chance to cool down, we apologized to each other and things went much better for the rest of the day. He brought it up later, telling me that my telling him he was acting like a dick had really bothered him and caused him to think about his behavior. It seems that my telling him he was acting like a dick was a more effective corrective measure than the usual grounding or taking away the X Box…who knew? Used sparingly and judiciously, this might be a great new addition to my parenting arsenal…
