So the last few weeks have been really crappy: I have been feeling worse than I have in ages, my husband and I haven’t been getting along, my son is being a pain in the ass, the house is a mess, the homeowner’s association is threatening to fine us over our “unkempt” yard, the list of reasons for my melancholy mood goes on and on. Usually, when things aren’t going well in my life, I tend to just shut down – I start feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope so I end up spending much of my time sleeping in an attempt to avoid dealing with reality. My waking hours are spent leafing through my dog-eared copy of “SCRAM: Relocating Under A New Identity” while day-dreaming about leaving everything behind and starting fresh somewhere in South America. Needless to say, these haven’t been very effective coping strategies.
I’ve come to the realization that I haven’t been taking good enough care of myself and if I don’t start paying more attention to my own needs, I’m going to suffer a complete breakdown. I don’t say this just for dramatic effect – I’ve found myself teetering on the edge of a breakdown on several occasions. When I don’t feel well and my resources are limited, I spend all of my energy taking care of everyone else because I feel like a bad mother or a bad wife if I choose to do something for myself over doing something for my family. It’s not that I enjoy playing the martyr, I just haven’t placed enough importance on my own needs and making sure that my family understands how meeting those needs impacts my overall well-being. This needs to change immediately. I’ve made some important decisions this weekend about changes I can make to give myself more time for the things that are important to me…now all I need to do is follow through and make sure it actually happens.
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